it's strange how little things make an evening better. i had gone out to celebrate my friend's 21st birthday. the whole place was over the top, guys dressed in black with earpieces worked there, girls paid to stand on a platform to dance (no it wasn't a strip club) and over-priced alcohol with little to no actual alcohol in it. needless to say i left early. as i was walking back to my dorm three of my friends were outside playing guitar and just hanging out. that was probably the best part of the night, just sitting there talking and listening to them play.

Rant

You know what grinds me gears? Award season. Why do actors feel the need to spend almost two months (or that’s what it feels like) on award ceremonies? Because being in movies, getting a lot of money and being in the spot light isn’t enough attention? Really? Is that it? Or do they actually want to be awarded for their art? Because I understand acting is an art, however, half of the actors in do not posses that. I believe that Broadway acting is much more of an art form. But getting back to rant, why do they feel the need to spend thousands of dollars on stupid award shows?! It drives me nuts. The only reason I’d sit through an hour of this mind numbing crap is to see what they wear, and that’s purely a fashion thing, I could give a shit about who wins best hair or best score. The only moderately thing appearing to me is the fashion.

The revising process I think in some ways is harder. You have what you want to say, or what you thought you wanted to say down on paper. Now you must hack through it all, pick and chose what needs to be taken out, put in, or in some cases, almost start from scratch. The last one applies to me in this case. I just don't know what I want to take, what things I need to add and if I even want to go into half of the things. Maybe I'll just narrow it way down and pick one story to tell which will better explain what I set out to explain in the first place.

I haven't been keeping up with blogging this week at all, I'm not sure why. I was doing it pretty frequently the last few weeks... anywho. We were talking about taking the time to look around more, open your eyes and see what's really there. Well, I did that. I ended up going for an hour and half run/walk. I noticed so many different things around the area. It's crazy. I was walking by this one house & they have this brick wall, but it's checkerboard so you can see through it. I was looking through the wall, when I came face to face with this massive dark brown spider. I screamed. Right there on the sidewalk, I'm sure a few other runners must have turned to look, but I was so scared I didn't notice. After I got my heart back to normal I realized that maybe it had been a left over from Halloween. And maybe, looking too close is a bit scary. Earlier that day I was eating lunch in the dinning hall. For some reason I decided to look up. Right there on a beam, was a massive splash of food. Some thirty feet up in the air, on the white wooden (I asume) beam someone must have thrown food. I wonder if anyone had seen it. It was a bit gross.

things i love

over my past 21 years i have realized that there are three things which fill me with happiness & excitement. getting off a plane in a new place, starting a new book & coming home after being gone for a while.
i love traveling & when I'm going somewhere new my favorite part of the trip is getting off the plane; especially if you get dropped off right on the tarmac. they say smell triggers memories & it's definitely true for me. certain smells to this day remind me of the Dominican republic, for instance the other day i picked up a candle at a store. it was a musty scent, it actually almost smelt spicy like b.o. but with a hint of the ocean, it was such a strange mix i was surprised it was actually a candle. it also reminded me of home, because when i get out of the car, if the wind's just right, I'll get a whiff of the Atlantic.
another thing that I've come to love is starting books. it's nice to escape into someone else's life for a while. when you first open a book you don't really know what to expect. it's all a surprise. anything can happen. maybe that's why I'm always reading two books at once.
and finally, the third thing that i love is coming home after I've been gone for a while. i love traveling and going to new places, & I've never had the feeling of wanting to leave a place. i actually thought of ways to wonder off & 'get lost' in Heathrow when i was younger. but when i finally do make it home, it's always so amazing to be there. there's something comforting about being able to drive in any direction & know where you are. mind you i love getting lost in foreign places, i find it fun & i always end up having an interesting story to tell. being home means being more independant. i know where everything is, i know how & where to get what i need. it's also being around people who know me best. i've never been homesick, but that doesn't mean that i don't love it all the same.

lies

i don't tend to lie to people. if i disagree or if i'm asked for an oppinion, i'll be honest with them. i'm not sure if that's always a good thing or not, sometimes it makes me look mean, when i'm actually just being honest with them.
however, when i was little i use to lie all the time. for fun, to avoid blame, to see if anyone would believe me. but i mostly lied to get out of trouble, which most of the time ended up biting me in the ass. if say, i spilled something or if i had known about a broken plate, i would deny it. it wasn't me, ask paul and jim, the list went on. i lied because i was so scared of getting in trouble & my parents being mad at me.
now a days i'll lie if someone asks for my number, "sorry i lost my phone", or "i'm getting a new phone & my number's changing" or i'll give them the wrong number. i usually just feel bad for saying no you can't have it, so i'll make up an excuse & hope they buy it. but when a friend asks for advice i'm always honest, they're my friend, they can handle the truth.