I'm in the process of finding an internship. It all seems so bogus. No one really wants to hire, even if with no pay, if they don't have experience in the field. Yet, how does one break into the field when no one wants to be the first to hire them? It's all quite scary. I'm sick of these non-jobs. Personally I want to do more than wait a table, it's a good summer job but I want to get into the field that I'm interested in, even if after I graduate I probably won't get a job seeing as how the economy is going. My friend right now is about to graduate & she has no idea what she wants to do. Right now that is the major hurdle I have to get over: finding a summer internship.

I was recently talking with a girl who has just gotten back from the Guatemala trip. It made me want to pack up my things & join the Peace Corps. It made me sick of school. Not because I don't like it, but because I want to DO something. I love learning, I love my English classes, but sometimes I just want to go and do something besides just sit at a desk or table all day. I remember being in the Dominican and how amazing that time was. But as I listened to her tell me what she saw, I almost don't know if I can handle it. I want to though, I want to realize and experience again just how different the world can be. I wish I could go to school, learn all that I am learning, and yet help others and experience things that those who went on the Guatemala trip experienced.

the other night i had the most incredible experience. my brother, cousin & i were walking along the canal headed to the jacuzzi when we heard what sounded like a very large coming up for air. sure enough, there were six huge men in the water. sort of. there were six dolphins looking for food. we walked closer & watched in awe as they cut through the water, stopping on a dime & stalking their prey. we sat there watching them hunt & listening to them come up for air for a good half hour. there are lights every 50 or so feet that point into the canal. the water is a turquoise during the day & at night with the light on it it is this eerie almost seaweed like green. every now & then a fish would jet across the illuminated water with a dolphin right on its, er, fin. i've been falling asleep to the sound of dolphins coming up for air & splashing around. i'm not sure i'll be able to sleep when i get back to school.

It's so strange how sometimes words flow so effortlessly, and other times I stuggle just to get a sentence to make any sense. here's a section that I think works well from my last paper:
Being adopted allowed me realize many things. I’m glad that I was able to see two very different places. I had experienced life with a single parent in South America. I remember seeing snow for the first time in the Andes and finding Easter eggs nestled in the grass up in the mountains. I can remember the dry heat from the desert and the way cacti wizzed by on the bus ride from Antofagasta to Santiago. I can still taste the salty Pacific Ocean and how it looks different from the Atlantic. It’s so strange how traveling from Chile to Massachusetts is pretty much a straight line, the time barely changes, but the seasons and stars are opposite. I remember running around at a zoo and watching the leafy palm trees blow in the dry wind.

I can't seem to write. I can't even seem to think about anything to write about. I'm at such a road block that the normal things which help me to write again aren't working for me. I'm not sure what to do.